Firstly a sonnet:
He was the very model of a modern parish Priest-in-Charge,
His teaching is fantastic and his principles our minds enlarge,
He goes about his duties with a sober dress and attitude
And cycles round the parish with economy and fortitude.
He sometimes seeks for sanctitude, retreating into solitude,
And has a holy bearing wearing crosses in his earring;
And furthermore his sermons are a model of exactitude –
He rarely splits infinitives, and never speaks in platitudes.
And when we say he’s literate, we don’t just mean his reading-base,
But internet and world-wide web and netiquette in cyber-space.
Now Simon is our Vicar - that’s a word that sounds much quicker.
But you must accept the warning with no disbelief or scorning,
That though the title’s quicker, it is hard to sack a Vicar.
Since it seems there is no certitude of “Gross Immoral Turpitude”-
His life is lived with rectitude in every known vicissitude -
We should rejoice; with gratitude, create a new BEATITTUDE
In language that is slicker:
“They are blessed that know our Vicar.”
Secondly part of an email from the Archdeacon:
It was a great joy to be with you and the folk of [the parish] this morning. I thoroughly enjoyed the liturgy which spoke powerfully of a reverent congregation who are not timid about expressing joy in their worship. I am certain that this is a consequence of your very profound and clearly greatly cherished ministry there. I am so pleased that you are now the Incumbent and that you and the family have settled in well and enjoy living in [the parish]. Certainly the boys all looked to be on excellent form.
...[T]here is a fresh sense of confidence and purpose about the place which I shall be delighted to communicate to Bishop Alan and his Staff. He I know will agree with me that this is the fruit of your ministry there together with the support of your colleagues...
Anyway, very well Simon and keep up the great work...'
Thirdly a picture of helium filled balloons ready to return our hopes and dreams for the Parish to the Ascended Christ...